If I'm writing this journal entry is because I am beyond desperate. My cat, Madeline, has a problem; she just likes to lick herself a lot (way too much) on the same place and because of that she ended up with this huge wound on her belly. I've been trying to cure it several times. She began with the excesive licking back in 2014, back then the wound was on her belly but near her left arm. Over the years I've been using different methods to cure it, and some of them worked... the thing is that she kept licking and creating another wound somewhere else on her belly. The wound she has now is big and I've been curing it with special products for cat wounds and with some anti lick spray. Her wound was starting to get better until I forgot to apply her anti lick spray.. So she licked her stupid wound again. Now the wound is starting to cure but slowly but because of the excessive licking her mammary gland is starting to bloat and it's making me worried. I would take her to the vet but it's super expesive and I can't afford it. I just hope I finally cure her wound but I'm quite scared and sad about it. I don't wanna lose her. She means so much to me. She's been with me every since I was 10 years old (that was in 2004)... I just can't imagine my life without her. I can't even think of her dying because it makes me feel like if I was about to die too. I'm too afraid... and I know that someday she will have to go but I just don't feel prepared for it. I've talked about this issue with some friends and family but none of them seem to understand my internal struggle. I just have so much love for her and she has so much love for me. I've had other pets that died but I've never felt so attached to one of my pets. She's just too special, we had like this connection when we saw each other for the first time. She was too scared of humans but she wasn't scared of me because for some weird reason she trusted me.
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Where I live gets super hot in summer and back in 2008 she almost died because of a heatstroke and I remember crying and crying because I saw her suffering and it broke my heart. We took her to the vet and they gave her a treatment that luckly saved her life. Thank god. I just don't want to experience that again. I don't want to see her dying again. I can't handle it. So I ask myself a question: how do people overcome someone's death? I've never experienced the death of someone I love and I just don't want to.
Thinking about my cat dying just stresses the shit out of me and doesn't even let me sleep. I just sleep very few hours everyday. Like 4 or 5. The other day I couldn't fall asleep until 8 am. Crazy, huh?
If I'm posting this online is because I want to feel "heard" by someone. Probably there's someone out there that has experienced this... But most likely no one is gonna read this. But it's okay, at least now that I've wrote my feeling down I feel way much better. I'm praying for my cat. The good thing is that her behaviour has remained unchanged so that means she's not ill. Or that's why I hope.